Think, everyone told me. Think and it will come to you.
Think and it will dawn upon you. Just think and the world’s answers will appear
in a heartbeat and clarity will come giftwrapped in a nice little box
miraculously left behind by the Tooth Fairy one Tuesday morning. All you need
to do is think.
I’ve thought on planes and trains, buses and bikes. I’ve
thought while I was meant to be thinking and much more when I wasn’t. I’ve
stared just to the right of my professor’s face during class and doodled pointlessly
in the corner of my notebook. I’ve made more To Do lists than anything I’ve
ever done and then stooped from putting ‘Figure it out’ to ‘Shower’, in an
effort to check something off. You can’t say I didn’t try.
When it all fell apart all around me and all the same advice
kept pouring in, I turned to clichés. I took a long, hot shower. And I thought
some more. Or atleast I tried.
What do I write my paper on? And once that is done, what do
I do my thesis on? And once that is done, what do I do next? Where do I work?
Do I let go of a great job just to leave home? Do I accept another great job
even if the cash isn’t great? What qualifies as good enough and how do you
identify a challenge? When you can’t differentiate the road less travelled from
the well trodden path, how do you choose to be conformist or rebellious? And
how is it that the more I think, the more questions seem to need thinking
about?
This thinking thing is a lie, a web designed to keep you in
a never-ending loop. You think you get more questions, you kid yourself into thinking
you can answer them all. For now, I’m going to take a break. The paper may
happen, or not. Reading all day is fun in itself. The thesis will definitely
happen. On what, well, epiphany shall strike before graduation some time. As
for a job, I’m only almost adult for now. Please don’t burst my bubble?
